The Official Writing Challenge
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09/14/06
Sweet story. :)
I got a little thrown by some missing quotation marks, or places where puncuation was needed. Also I wondered about the names, switching from 'Melanie' to 'Mel' sometimes, and then at the end from 'Debbie' to 'Deb.'
With a little bit more time spent on polishing, it would help the flow.
Interesting perspective though, and I liked the way you were able to show how children think, through Sheri's thoughts and actions. (Naming the newt made me think of a character from the Chronicles of Narnia. lol)
Keep on writing!!
09/15/06
This story pictures a garden I wouldn't have thought of to put into writing, but it certainly is that. And, I must not be terribly observant, because I would have to go back and deliberately "look" to find the missing quotations. I think that must show how engrossing your writing is, I missed any flaws! I like your sweet story---the only question arising in my mind, why would Mel give a gift (even though it was necessary to the story line) the receiver couldn't use to "keep" critters outside the garden?
09/16/06
I "ditto" Edy's comment about the gift. "Why?" And, of course, there were missing quotations, but I will have to go look up "neut" and "faerie" in the dictionary...(dumb me) Nice job, however. Kept my interest throughout.
09/16/06
What a precious story! I thoroughly enjoyed it ... you kept my interest all the way. I did have to go back -- the name changes (although they were nicknames) threw me just a bit. Be careful with your quotes and punctuation. But the story line is delightful! Nice work! :)
09/17/06
I liked this peek into two friends' secret hiding place. I loved your parallels to the Garden of Eden. (Adam and Eve left, but the animals stayed.) Great description as always. I especially liked the last line.
09/19/06
Thank you all for your helpful comments and encouragement on my childhood memory. I was shocked to read through my entry and realize that I had submitted a rough draft. I've placed the real final draft in general submissions area for you to read. I hope it's an improvement:-)

Here's the link
http://www.faithwriters.com/article-details.php?id=51367


09/20/06
Sweet memories! What fun. See what our 'city slicker kids' miss!!