The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
09/09/06
This reader is reading, wondering, and pondering. "What seems to be the problem here? Where is the pain? What is wrong with the lady? Why can't she sleep?"
But the writer gives no clues, no hints, no reasons - just rivers of tears. Perhaps it's hidden, but I can't find it. But thank you for posting your story about River of Tears.
09/09/06
I too wished there was some indication of what type of problem this lady was agonizing through. A touching scene when she kissed her daughter and whispered her love. Sweet.
09/10/06
I like that you left this unspecified--that way we can inject our own experiences and feelings into her pain. I found this excellent, and the moment with the daughter especially poignant. My only quibble: the whole piece uses the "river" metaphor quite beautifully, then at one point we have a "parade" causing ripples. Sort of caused a bit of cognitive dissonance for a bit.

This could be an exemplar for "showing, not telling."
09/10/06
Such wonderful depth of emotion expressed here! A very realistic and poignant scene. Your description of her thought processes was so very authentic - I was right there with her! Thanks!
09/10/06
What an accurate description you have painted of her pain, and many moms can relate to those sleepless, tear-filled nights. I also wish I had a clue about the source of her sadness, but this was very well done.
09/12/06
I understand the writer's sadness to be childhood hurts, but I have to wonder what triggered the flood of memories? Your use of metaphors is very nicely done. "I don't want to cry anymore." I said the same thing the last time I cried a river of tears.
Knowing the stories behind this entry make it a powerful story. (((hugs)))
My nana always used to say "tears wash everything clean". This was a very sweetly told memory. God bless. xx
09/13/06
Shari, my heart goes out. This is beautiful, tender and healing. Wonderful job my friend!!!!
09/13/06
I think any reader could relate to this type of pain. I don't know that the reason for the pain or type of pain is what matters in this piece. You focused on the "river" of tears and did the topic justice. Good Job. :)
09/13/06
I too like the fact you didn't tell why, but instead gave a brilliant look at the way grief grips the heart.