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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: River (08/31/06)

TITLE: Regret
By Purity Snowe
09/03/06


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Darkness, despicable and loathsome, clutches me.
Spent candles spill their fluids in thickening rivulets
Across a chipped and stained end table
That watches from beside the bed I swore Iíd never visit again.
Iím twisted, infected,
Lost to a river that drowns me in a current of my own depravity.
And it hurts to know
Just how weak I really am.

But the wine was disarming
And his eyes were deep.
His hands stirred in me sensations
That should be saved for another.
His lips, soft, warm.

I stumbled again today.

The nightlight flickers in the hall, beyond the door
With a poster of a lingerie model mounted on the back.
Empty bottles wink knowingly from the floor
Where my underwear and stockings mock me.
Iím shameful, awful,
Swallowed by a river that crushes me in the depths of my wanton lustfulness.
And it kills to learn
Just how corrupt I really am.

But the music whispered
And my heart beat wildly.
I was filled, needed, loved
In a way that should have come from another.
His flesh, close, electric.

I fell again today.

A movement, a stirring, beneath the sheet beside me.
His leg and chest glow beneath scattered luminance.
A smile lifts his sleeping lips. A dream? Of me?
I canít reconcile this. He isnít evil. Itís me.
Iím fallen, condemned.
Abandoned to a river of mortal sin that pulls me deeper, farther.
And it devastates to learn
That Iíll never reach the shore.

At least not alone.

I sinned again today.


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This article has been read 710 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Lynda Schultz 09/07/06
This was so well done, but from my poor perspective, I think it needed a hint of at least the possibility of resolution at the end. Regret is where we often end up, God forbid that we make our bed there. Otherwise, good job.
Beth Muehlhausen09/07/06
"River of depravity...and mortal sin...that crushes...." Very strong message. This is the plight of mankind apart from God. Could there be a hint of redemption added somewhere? You told it honestly...haunting.
Marilyn Schnepp 09/10/06
A maize of words depicting depravity, lust, sensuality, love, twisted, lips, wanton desires; creative take on the topic.... What was the topic? Oh yes, river! Thanks for sharing.
Donna Emery09/10/06
This was an excellent description of regret and the feelings of someone who feels caught in her sin. I do wish she saw some glimmer of hope, but this is a picture of reality, and you captured this vision very accurately.
Patrick Oden09/10/06
Powerful. Boldly honest. Daring. Beautiful. Wow. I agree with the comments about a bit of hope. However, that single phrase "at least not alone" is absolutely potent and subtle, and maybe nothing more is needed.

Your use of river to imply the sinful pull is great, and in contrast to how I've long seen the positive pull of the Spirit. The Living versus the Dying, fighting.

This is a keeper. Thanks.

Joanne Sher 09/11/06
Your imagery is very stark and your language haunting. Very effective for the message you were conveying! Great job!
Cheryl Harrison 09/11/06
Bold. Good job writing the turmoil within the heart and mind of all who sin. Much like a river gone wild.
Alexandra Wilkin09/13/06
I dont agree that the lack of resolution is a weakness here - this was bold, raw in its honesty and I loved how it drew me in. I thought perhaps that the first few lines were trying a little too hard, but this hit its stride quickly and held nothing back. We are weak everyday. Excellent, and another keeper for me too. God bless. xx
Suzanne R09/14/06
So so so so sad ... which is no doubt what you intended to communicate. Hopeless. Lost. Perhaps with a glimmer of hope in 'Not today' ... but so sad......

Well written though - great job.
Edy T Johnson 09/15/06
This rips right into your reader's heart. It reminds me how I've often thought we don't give our youth a true picture of temptation, to innoculate them, early on, against the very real "pleasures of sin" (only for a season, before experiencing the bitter--rather than the better--fruit). You, dear writer, have given a list of some of the lures that assist in pulling us into yielding to temptation. Thank you for such powerful writing to bring the message home.
Monique Fox11/13/06
Please come and post your poetry at Poetry and Poets of God: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/poetryandpoetsofgod/