The Official Writing Challenge
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09/07/06
This was so well done, but from my poor perspective, I think it needed a hint of at least the possibility of resolution at the end. Regret is where we often end up, God forbid that we make our bed there. Otherwise, good job.
"River of depravity...and mortal sin...that crushes...." Very strong message. This is the plight of mankind apart from God. Could there be a hint of redemption added somewhere? You told it honestly...haunting.
09/10/06
A maize of words depicting depravity, lust, sensuality, love, twisted, lips, wanton desires; creative take on the topic.... What was the topic? Oh yes, river! Thanks for sharing.
09/10/06
This was an excellent description of regret and the feelings of someone who feels caught in her sin. I do wish she saw some glimmer of hope, but this is a picture of reality, and you captured this vision very accurately.
09/10/06
Powerful. Boldly honest. Daring. Beautiful. Wow. I agree with the comments about a bit of hope. However, that single phrase "at least not alone" is absolutely potent and subtle, and maybe nothing more is needed.

Your use of river to imply the sinful pull is great, and in contrast to how I've long seen the positive pull of the Spirit. The Living versus the Dying, fighting.

This is a keeper. Thanks.

09/11/06
Your imagery is very stark and your language haunting. Very effective for the message you were conveying! Great job!
Bold. Good job writing the turmoil within the heart and mind of all who sin. Much like a river gone wild.
I dont agree that the lack of resolution is a weakness here - this was bold, raw in its honesty and I loved how it drew me in. I thought perhaps that the first few lines were trying a little too hard, but this hit its stride quickly and held nothing back. We are weak everyday. Excellent, and another keeper for me too. God bless. xx
09/14/06
So so so so sad ... which is no doubt what you intended to communicate. Hopeless. Lost. Perhaps with a glimmer of hope in 'Not today' ... but so sad......

Well written though - great job.
09/15/06
This rips right into your reader's heart. It reminds me how I've often thought we don't give our youth a true picture of temptation, to innoculate them, early on, against the very real "pleasures of sin" (only for a season, before experiencing the bitter--rather than the better--fruit). You, dear writer, have given a list of some of the lures that assist in pulling us into yielding to temptation. Thank you for such powerful writing to bring the message home.
11/13/06
Please come and post your poetry at Poetry and Poets of God: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/poetryandpoetsofgod/