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No Return
I stand on the hard sand, staring at the dark waters, I shudder in the chill wind whipping my hair into my face. Fear and loneliness hold me rigid on the shore.
Every day, the pain engulfs me when I wake. I turn to touch him, but he is not there. The pain stabs through me and I face the river of my grief again.
I cry out, God, you who took him from me, You who lifted him from pain. How can I bear the loss?
You say, “Plunge in. The only way around is through the pain. Trust me.”
Can I do this?
Slowly I sit up. My feet grope for my slippers and I move unthinking through the day’s routine. At work, I bury myself in details. I clean a patient’s teeth, write notes, and force a smile.
Does no one know the world cracked apart the day he died?
“Trust me,” You say again. “I give you power. Fight against the current of the grief that threatens to submerge you. You will come out strong on the other side.”
I shiver on the shore, but I am drawn by Your compassion. I abandon myself to You. With one deep breath, I plunge into the waters.
I can feel You with me. Buoyant now, I rest in you. The waters do not overwhelm me. I can move through this dark time because of You.
Lord, I believe. Help Thou my unbelief.
I trust in You.
- end
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