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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Melody (08/24/06)

TITLE: Her Melody
By Angela Linton


Janice's freezer held three crates of ice. The refrigerator contained milk, a small bowl of Jell-O and an unused slice of onion. Her cupboard held emptied and half emptied seasoning bottles. Also in the cupboard was a box of cereal with one serving left.

Janice and her husband have been pouring out their prayers before the throne of God, but the truth be told she was still worrying. Her tears were consuming her because there was nothing with which to prepare lunch and dinner for the following day and her husband's next pay check was a week away.

From as early as a week old Janice and her husband started reading books to their now six year old daughter. So it has become a norm to read a book or to tell her a story at bedtime. Tonight however, burdened with her thoughts Janice was not up to reading or telling their daughter a story. Nevertheless, not wanting to disappoint her, she decided to tell her a story.

The story was about a boy who was on his way to the market to sell the last few carrots from his mother's vegetable garden. They too were experiencing a food shortage. So as the young boy journeyed, he happened upon three sets of people that were extremely hungry so he placed his hand into his bag and offered them his carrots. When he arrived at the market, to his surprise there was no more carrots. Worried about what his mother would say he returned home and told her what had happened.
"Oh Michael, Michael, Michael," his mother said, shaking her head. Then,
"It's okay son, the Lord has always provided for us and I know that He will continue to provide for us."
The story ended with the boy's mother being right, because that following morning a knock came upon their front door and standing there was a woman with a bag full of food.

As Janice ends the story, her daughter's eyes grew large and questions came one after the other. She wanted to know:
What kind of food was in the bag?
Why did the woman go to Michael's home and not the house next door?
Then finally she said,
"Mummy, maybe God will do the same thing for us."
Again, Janice battled with her tears.

The following morning as Janice, her husband and daughter sat at the computer working on their daughter's school project, she was praying silently,
"Oh Lord, please help us, please."
When tap, tap, came a knock on their apartment door.
"I'll get it." Janice said getting up.

At the door she peeped through the seeing hole and saw a young boy standing with a box full of items in his hand.
"Oh no," Janic thought, "he's selling chocolate or something for school and we don't have any money to contribute."

So she braced herself to tell him the disappointing news as she opened the door.
"Hi," she said.
"Hi," he replied, "Hum... do you want this?"

Confused for a few seconds Janice did not say anything but looked down the corridor to see if someone else was there.
"You are just going to give it to us?" She asked, after a while.
"Hum... We have too much." He answered, shifting from one foot to the next.
"Okay, yeah, thanks." She said, taking the box from his hands.
Tears along with a big smile erupted from her heart and over flowed onto her face as she took the box to her husband and daughter.

From that day onwards, whenever tempted to worry, Janice's thoughts travelled to these strings of events. Events that quickly became her melody and her worrying was replaced with praise and thanksgiving to her Lord.

The End

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Member Comments
Member Date
terri tiffany08/31/06
What I like - great dialogue and I liked how you told the story in a story. I could feel the woman's fears.
What I might change - there was a tense change, I think where you said the woman reads the story should have been past tense. The ending could maybe be a bit stronger I thought but overall - very smooth writing.
Rebecca Livermore08/31/06
Your first two paragraphs painted a very clear picture of the situation, and your story overall was a good reminder of Godís care for us in seemingly impossible situations. My only suggestion is to provide more of a surprise ending Ė an unusual and unexpected way that God answered her prayers. I think that would leave more of a lasting impression. Good job!
Lynda Schultz 09/02/06
Yes, the ending could have been stronger, but I've been in this same situation while I was a student, and having someone come to the door, out of the blue, with a box of groceries, is a big enough surprise for me! Just a little fine tuning is all this needs to give that miracle its final touch-up. Good work.
Marilyn Schnepp 09/02/06
A beautiful, beautiful story - and nicely written. Short on "melody" Topic, but very enjoyable and a delightful and encouraging read.