The Official Writing Challenge
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09/02/06
Is Max an angel? Quite a gripping story - nice the way you tied the song into Amy's statement.
09/02/06
Very good at suspense and mystery...but did the mother die? What had happened? Who was Max? Who were the people outside? Too many questions unanswered for me...but great writing. Thanks.
09/04/06
It seems to me that Max and the "others" are angels. Their assignment must be to wait [rather than to stop the man entering the church] and carry the victims of the gunman off to Heaven. I appreciate the back and forth views, like a movie, but as good as the suspense, characters, and descriptive writing, I find the ending less than satisfying. I know tragedy is part of living, but I find it so frustrating. Just my particular bent. Very good writing, nonetheless!
09/05/06
Wow. Like others, there were a lot of unanswered questions in the story. I'd like to see this expanded. Also, I think you could have done witout reapeating the line towards the end, and just gone on.
09/05/06
This is great! I like the repeated partial line, it helps the reader with the POV switch. I love the way you set the scene with such a sweet, routine moment and then slam us with the shocking violence. Really, an outstanding story.
09/06/06
Wow - you really took me by surprise with this! You did an excellent job of setting up the peaceful scene and totally CRUSHING it with the violence! I was on the edge of my seat! Very well done!!
09/06/06
You did a great job on this. I enjoyed your descriptions and the way you set the stage for what happened. Like others, I got a bit lost at the end and would have liked to have know "the rest of the story." Keep writing!
09/06/06
I liked how you described Amy trying to 'do' her face. It was a cute picture to set us up for the surprise of gunfire. At first, I thought that Max was a member of a S.W.A.T. team, but then with the lines of the song, realized he was an angel to escort the victims. Thanks for a well written and creative story. :)