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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Melody (08/24/06)

TITLE: A Shrimp in the Chorus
By dub W
08/25/06


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The speaker on the wall barked out the Thursday announcements. Carmen Ortiz sat with her head in her hands. Well wishes, club news, bus changes, and the day’s menu went past in a blur.

“And finally today, we are having the chef’s special – vegetable melody.”

Carmen closed her eyes.

“Carmen, you’re late. Chorus practice is about to begin.”

She shook her head and looked around. She was standing in the chorus room, but she did not recognize the voice. “Who said that?”

A carrot faced man stood in front of her; he was armed with a baton and sheets of music. “I did, please take your place.”

Carmen rubbed her eyes. The man who spoke had green hair. While green hair was not totally unusual around her school, the fact that a teacher had long green hair was a bit disconcerting. “Uh, where should I stand?”

A small guy with a funny hat took her hand. “You come with us, we mushrooms and potatoes are in the back.”

“Mushrooms and potatoes?” Carmen gulped. “What is this?”

“You’re so silly,” said a tall stick of celery. “They won’t even let me in on the melody, I am strictly on the side with that greasy guy who thinks he is such a cheese whiz.”

A zucchini took her elbow. “Excuse me shrimp, you go on top, not with those mushrooms, believe me those guys are flat, never get the swing of this thing.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” a deep rolling voice approached Carmen from the back. “Hey kid, glad you are here.”

“Be careful he doesn’t sit on you,” laughed the mushrooms.

“Hey, hey, hey,” repeated the giant.

Carmen whispered to the zucchini, “who’s he?”

“He's a nice guy, just fat, that’s summer squash, we just call him chubby.”

“Oh, okay.”

Suddenly all the male members ran toward the door. Chubby tried to hold the mass back. Into the room walked twin cherry tomatoes.

Carmen tried not to stare. “Wow, they're beautiful.”

Zucchini elbowed Carmen. “Watch out for them. They swing both ways. I think they're a fruit, but here they are, with us today.”

“Okay, I’m sticking with you.”

“You haven’t seen the worst of it yet shrimp.”

Two green pods waved as they went by.

“Don’t tell me. Peas right?

Zucchini laughed. “You’re getting it shrimp. Yeah, those are young peas, they’re not too bad, but when their cousins the field peas are here this place turns into a barnyard. Those guys are really hicks. Come in with their black eyes like they just got out of a brawl.”

The conductor tapped his baton. “Let’s get together class, everyone in their places.”

A group of broccoli shook their heads in unison, “We’re here.”

“Broccoli, those girls always travel together, look at those big do’s. Come on. Let’s get up on top.”

Carmen followed her new friend to the top row. “What happens now?”

“See that barrel over there?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s melted butter, they brought him over from dairy, he is supposed to make us blend, personally I don’t like his oily attitude, he hangs with garlic and pew those two really stink.”

The conductor began tapping his baton.

Tap, tap, tap, tap. “Carmen wake up.” Mrs. Smith was standing over Carmen’s desk tapping her on the shoulder with her pencil.

Carmen rubbed her eyes. “You’re not in the melody.”

Mrs. Smith walked back to the front of the room. “I should think not.”

Carmen looked around the room. Her class mates were laughing and pointing at her.

“Oops.” To hide her embarassment she opened her desk. A bag of carrots looked up and smiled.


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This article has been read 867 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Rebecca Livermore09/01/06
This made me laugh out loud. Thanks for the chuckle!
Virginia Gorg09/02/06
This is engaging - held my attention throughout. The last line is cute. :)
Marilyn Schnepp 09/02/06
I liked this! Different? true!...but creative and quite an enjoyable treat. Good job.
Karie Spiller09/04/06
Made me smile and laugh.
Brenda Craig09/05/06
You have made my day. This is delightful and full of fun. Laughing all the way. What an unusual idea. Oh, the wonders of imagination given to us by our King. Excellent!
Teri Wilson09/05/06
Vegetable medley - you are a riot. I thought this was awesome!
Allison Egley 09/05/06
This was just great. Vegetable medley, huh? How did that shrimp get in there then?
Jan Ackerson 09/05/06
This is hilarious! If you're going to do an "it was only a dream" piece, this is the way to do it--now I have to go munch on something. Poor Carmen...
terri tiffany09/05/06
What I like - the humor, the creativity, the dialogue - great job!
What I might change---nothing! perfect the way it is!
Birdie Courtright09/05/06
So creative and funny! I had a good time reading this.
Joanne Sher 09/06/06
What a riot!! Too much fun. This was a joy to read from beginning to end. What an imagination you have!
Shari Armstrong 09/06/06
ROFL!!! This was fantastic!! Thanks for the much needed laugh :)
Jeffrey Snell09/06/06
An original. Thanks for sharing the daydream.
Pamela Rosario09/06/06
I have a friend named Carmen Ortiz. What a riot! She'll love this. Very clever.
Donna Emery09/06/06
How creative! It made me smile, and I enjoyed it very much!
Rita Garcia09/06/06
Delightful, entertaining and oh, so creative! Thanks for the laugh!
Debbie Sickler09/07/06
Very funny! Loved the bit about the black eyed peas and the broccoli doos! Cute angle on the topic. :)
david grant09/07/06
Fresh like a good Veggie Salad. A DAVEY for you!
Tabiatha Tallent03/29/07
Ha! Good one. I laughed all the way through.
Julie Arduini03/29/07
What fun! The lines about Cheez Whiz and the cherry tomatoes who swing both ways, now that's classic. Great writing!