The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/24/06
This is a nice story, but I had a hard time staying connected to it. I did like your words and the scene.
08/24/06
What I like - whew...very emotional - made me think and get choked up! Good dialogue, great actually as it was realistic. And good ending!!!

What I might change- Try spacing your story. Double space it so the reader can read it better. The only weak sentence that hit me was the cell phone being wedged between the seats. I think your dialgue carried the whole story well without any outside detail. You wove it well. Not sure how much the cross played in but it was there!:)
Wow...real drama. It happens, what will be our response? Really made me think about the real life situations that occur around us everyday. I came upon an accident years ago, the first on the scene. The person was badly injured and couldn't move. I could only pray with them until paramedics arrived--never even knew their name, but it was not a coincidence that we traveled the same road that day. Sometimes we are just positioned for others. Thanks for a great story.
08/26/06
Very powerful, raw, and "in your face." I felt the anxiety right along with the characters!