The Official Writing Challenge
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08/17/06
You write with such unique wordsmithing I could see this as a winner. The only thing I couldn't find is the "valley" topic, sigh! [Perhaps it's just my eyes.]
08/19/06
I too, am having difficulty finding a link to the theme - the valley of Prejudice?? I also would see a little work on the Prejudice paragraphs - all too often they begin the same. I think a little variety would have made it a little more interesting. You could have also Italisized Prejudice paragraphs to more clearly distinguish the character.
08/21/06
While your short story was weak on a clear connection to the theme 'Valley', it was excellent in the description category. I could almost 'see' Prejudice as It examined Its fingernails, licked Its lips, etc.

Watch your use of commas; many of them were unnecessary. For instance, "She rolled her eyes, in exasperation." does not require a comma. A good rule of thumb is to read the article as another person would read it and note the places where you pause. Those are the places for punctuation of some sort.

I liked the ending, the defeat of the demon by the presence of the Light, Jesus Christ.
08/22/06
Original and fun to read. One of my favs, even with its grammitical flaws. Work on those in the next edit and then share this story in as many pubs as you can. Great way to teach a lesson.
08/23/06
Amazing description here - and what a tale!! This is wonderful (though I'm also not clear on the topic connection!) and to very tactile. Fine job!