The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/19/06
Wheeewww! This was a hard read. Powerful, though. I do wonder if the answers came a bit too quickly. I think my reaction would first be to weep and shout, and the answers would settle in me later. (Perhaps that's just me). Very realistic dialogue.
08/21/06
I agree about the good dialog. Might be too little space to develop the father-son relationship. The ending also seemed a little too abrupt and neat, but again it is hard to get it all in 750 words.
08/21/06
Great dialogue. I agree with previous commentors about the speedy ending, but those pesky word limitations are bothersome, aren't they? Enjoyed this story; kept my attention throughout.
08/21/06
I have a shiver going down my body. Thank you for sharing. I had a similar incident like that growing up except it would have been a car on car accident.
08/21/06
A gripping read. I agree with the above comments. The ending seemed rushed, especially with Dad's last sentence. Perhaps having cut back on the first part to have given more to the end. Once again, your dialogue is very good.
08/22/06
Great story! It was well written and fast moving - definitely held my attention throughout. The only nitpick I have is the very last line. It didn't seem to fit with the dialogue so far somehow. Maybe a different line from the dad would work better?? Or maybe even his cell phone ringing but him ignoring it, obviously to comfort his son. (shrug) just suggestions. Otherwise, I thought the piece was excellent. :-)
08/22/06
Great dialogue! Excellent job of building up the anticipation - not sure I breathed through much of it! Agree with above comments as well - but this had me shaking!
08/22/06
Very powerful writing. Great job Tim.
08/22/06
Great story - the dad and son's dialogue was so real- even the kid being bratty! Yes, gotta say I agree about the rushed ending- it just lacked flow and reality at the last few lines. I think a tiny change here and there and it would be perfect! Great writing!!:)
Excellent, realistic job on dialogue between a father & son. I enjoyed this!
08/22/06
This gave me chills, and I've experienced some of those close calls that at first seemed like such an inconvience. (I missed what they had to drop off? the phone?). Well done.
Congratulations Tim on a gripping story. It held my attention all the way through and even though it was sad, it had a positive outcome that is God-inspired. We don't appreciate what we have or think about what life would be like without it and we need to be reminded of what's realy important. Thanks for sharing. Yours in Christ, Karen