The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/10/06
I like the fact that the younger son had a change of heart at the end; we never know what happened to him in Scripture.

Your first 4 paragraphs are from the father's POV, and the rest from the son's. A quick edit would take care of that, and make the piece more polished.

Good title.
08/12/06
I agree with Jan. I also think you've overworked the word "vision." This is especially noticeable when it is the theme word for the contest. The opening paragraph has five references to it - it's comes across a little overstated that this is a story on vision. I felt like saying "I get it." Otherwise, a good interpretation of a familiar story.
08/13/06
Five paragraphs up from the bottom..."pushing PAST (not passed) his father" would be correct; and I do love this old Bible parable; a favorite of mine. But I can see that the "Vision" Topic gave you your version of the reunion. However, you read between the lines as many do -when they re-write an Old Story to make it come alive for a new generation of readers. Nicely done...and I did enjoy your version and your writing.
08/13/06
I enjoyed this very much. It's not easy to take a well-known Bible story and bring it to unrecorded conclusions. I like how you gave the faithful son a real personality and made him human, feeling overlooked and unloved. Good job! :)