The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/10/06
Gorgeous writing here. I felt, though, as if something was missing between paragraphs 21 and 22--the journey! I wanted to see where the vision took her, to understand the change in her attitude. I really like that she didn't get the answers to her "whys" that she expected--we almost never do.
08/10/06
Many, many beautiful words and phrases written here; but for this one Reader - no satisfactory answer. Not being aware of why the "Why" question was asked, I was too befuddled to visualize the problem... But very well written and nicely done -
I thought it was a charming story, portraying the questions so many of us have. I do believe there are a bit too many adjectives in the story, however. But all in all, good writing.
08/13/06
Well-written but, as others said, it leaves some unanswered questions. I have a feeling if you expanded on this some, beyond the 750 word limit, you would have a masterpiece!

I counsel daily with women whose marriages have been torn asunder ... I suspect with some more specific information on the journey, it might be something to minister to women alone in their bed hoping one day their husband would return. I may be reading this wrong, but would love to see you fill in the gaps and submit it as a regular article or maybe in the critique circle.

The imagery was wonderful and you did a good job of describing the horror of the pain of separation. Very, very nice work! :)