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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Work (07/27/06)

TITLE: Timothy’s Ride
By Suzanne R


Timothy was tired. And thirsty. And he badly needed to pee … again. But they were in the doctor’s surgery and somehow he had to hold on.

“Timothy, your body isn’t working right. You’ll need medicine in needles to help your body do its job. You’ll feel a lot better soon.”

Needles? Timothy’s eyes, set in dark rings on his pale face, erupted into tears. His mother hugged him tightly.

“Hey, Timothy, look at this.” Timothy peeked out. A pretty nurse was there.

“Timothy, I’m Jane. I’m going to take you on a ride.”

Tim wriggled around so that he could see. Phew. Jane only had a book.

Jane opened the first page and suddenly Timothy jumped into a giant mouth, through the teeth, over the tongue, and slid down a throat! Strangely enough, Timothy wasn’t scared. It was slimy but exciting.

In the distance, he could hear Jane’s voice. “That’s where your food goes. You’ll hit the stomach soon. It’s pretty icky down there.”

Timothy’s earlier snack of apple was disgusting. Looking to escape, Timothy wriggled through the thing that looked like a swimming pool ring at the bottom of the stomach. He found himself spinning round and round in circles.

This was better than any ride at the Easter show.

Jane’s voice sounded distant. “That’s your intestines, Timothy. Having fun?” Along with Tim were bits of his breakfast, but as he spun on, the bits became just yellow, blue, red and brown balls. Some of the bits were sucked through the walls of the intestines.

“Timothy, soon you’re going to slip right through the walls too. You’ll be outside the roller coaster.”

Sure enough, Timothy was suddenly sucked into what he guessed was his belly. He was sad to leave, but since he was out, he dizzily staggered along a path to a flat red thing.

“What’s that?” he asked, hearing his voice echo like in a huge cave.

Jane’s voice in his belly sounded like she was using the loudspeaker at the shops. “That, Timothy, is the bit of your body that doesn’t work properly. It’s called your pancreas.”

Timothy walked across the pancreas, then noticed something strange. A fluorescent green blob grew, then slowing broke away from the pancreas. It moved towards a dark red tube.

“There should be lots more of those green things, Tim. They’re called insulin. Not enough insulin is why you’ve been sick. Follow it – see what happens.”

Timothy launched himself at the blob of insulin that had just left the pancreas. It burrowed into the wall of the red tube, with Timothy hanging on.

“Yuck – blood … but hey … I can smell something sweet. There – all that yellow stuff.”

“Well done, Timmy. That’s sugar. There’s a lot of sugar … too much. Most of that came from your breakfast this morning. Ready for some speed?”

Suddenly, the green blob of insulin that Timothy was riding on noticed the sugar too. It zoomed towards the nearest yellow ball, throwing Timothy off. Timothy floated in the blood, watching with wide eyes. The green blob of insulin chomped into the yellow sugar ball, and soon both broke into tiny little bits.

It sounded like Jane was talking underwater. “See, Timothy, that’s what should happen to the sugar so your body can use it. The problem is that your body doesn’t make enough insulin. But watch this.”

Ouch! Timothy curled into a ball as something bit his tummy. Then a big pointed grey tube appeared from nowhere. There was nothing he could do – he wrapped his arms and legs around the long pipe, which filled most of the red tube.

Strangely enough, the pipe pushed out a green river of insulin blobs. They chased after the yellow balls of sugar like ants swarm over a dropped piece of cake. As each green insulin blob caught a yellow ball of sugar, it immediately started munching.

“Ow!” Timothy’s head suddenly was pushed through the tube of blood. Before he knew it, he’d been dragged out of his own body, still hanging onto that whopping great pipe.

Except that it was only a small needle. And Timothy was sitting on his mum’s lap. Jane was next to him with a book. His T-shirt was rolled up and Dr Green had apparently just poked that needle into his tummy.

Timothy hugged his mum. Colour flooded his cheeks. His eyes danced with life.

“Hey, Mum, I feel better now. Can we go and do something fun.”

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Member Comments
Member Date
Venice Kichura08/04/06
I so much enjoyed this! You really have a talent for this kind of writing.
Melanie Kerr 08/04/06
That has all the makings of a good educational video for children suffering from diabetes. It kept me engrossed.
Jan Ackerson 08/07/06
Very well done! If I were the parent of a diabetic child, I'd LOVE to have this as an illustrated book or video. Excellent.
Rita Garcia08/07/06
Joanne Sher 08/07/06
This is VERY cool! You definitely took ME for quite the ride! Very imaginative!
Helen Paynter08/07/06
I love this, and I hate to be picky, but I don't think you've got the action of insulin quite right. It's more that the green blobs 'kidnap' the yellow ones and drag them off to their lair (ie insulin assists in glucose uptake and storage). But that doesn't detract from the brilliance of using this method of communicating to young children about their disease. Now, perhaps someone coud write one about how the kidneys work for my adult patients...
T. F. Chezum08/07/06
Very creative and well written. Good job.
Tracey Jackson08/08/06
What a wonderful imagination you have! A great piece that would definitely speak to and comfort some ill children out there.
Sally Hanan08/10/06
If you pitch this idea to a children's publisher you may just get a contract for a few books. Just run your facts by some professionals before you send in the sample, because as a former nurse, the insulin only assists in helping the sugar get from the blood into the body muscles etc.