Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Selfishness (02/14/05)
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TITLE: Not Enough Time | Previous Challenge Entry
By Kathleen Shelton
02/21/05 -
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Quickly I retreated to my study and turned on my computer. Soon I was crying on the sympathetic ears of my instant message buddies. I wailed about how ungrateful my daughter was for all that I had done. How she reacted just because I would not take her to the mall. I became absorbed, lost in my cyber world out there and all too quickly it was past bedtime.
Getting ready for bed, I speculated how much Seandra sounded like her father before he left. He complained that I never had time for him. At first I was raising Seandra and taking care of the house, making sure it was immaculate and his meals prepared, laundry done, etc. How he could not understand how tired I became or could not comprehend when I needed a night out alone once a week or so. Then when I went back to work, how, like him, I wanted to unwind when I came home. The day he left, I was sitting in my chair trying to read a book when he wanted me just to hop right up and go for a ride with him. When I refused, an argument pursued and he packed up his bags and left with the same stinging words.
Sunday, I went to church. When I saw Mrs. Prichard scurrying towards me a sickening feeling clutched at my stomach. “Oh no, “I groaned inwardly, “What does she want now?” I saw her lips moving before I heard her words. “Oh Sierra,” she trilled. “We are updating the sanctuary and you are such a lovely seamstress that when the project of new drapes came up, I couldn’t help but think of you. Would it be possible for you to make the drapes for us?” Quickly I responded, “I would really love to, but you see, I just got a new promotion at work and the hours are so demanding that I just don’t have the time, maybe some other time.” For just a moment a twinge of guilt threatened to emerge, but I quickly assuaged it with the thought of how much I tithed.
I was watching a program on TV when a gentle voice nudged within my soul. “Turn off the TV and spend time with me. Read my word, pray, talk to me.” At first I thought I was imagining these faint words, but again I heard them. “Yahweh, God Almighty, I will later-I promise, but right now I am just so tired, and I need time for myself.”
I heard that my elderly neighbor was ill. “I really should check in on her and see if she needs anything”, I thought to myself. Somehow though, I just never found the time to follow through with my good intentions.
Isn’t it amazing how fast time flies, how one never has enough time to do all the things they want or intend to do, how the hours turns into days, the days into weeks and the weeks into years?
Today, I have all the time in the world. My daughter has grown and married. She rarely comes around and I don’t know if I would recognized my grandchildren if I saw them. I retired from work many years ago. The ladies at church never ask for me to join in any projects. No neighbors come to visit or check on me. I am alone.
As I sit here crying in self pity I once again hear a gentle soft voice speak. “Now, will you spend time with Me? Will you read my Word, pray, talk to Me?”
I cannot help but fall to my knees and weep. “Oh Father, please forgive me for being so selfish with my time.”
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