The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/13/14
This story truly came to a dead end and a surprising one at that. You kept the interest going from beginning to end, but I think the end was a bit abrupt. Good writing though.
Your opening pulled me right in. It was a great hook and immediate the tone for the story.

Jen's introduction seemed a tad sudden and then she was 12 and next thing graduating.Perhaps she was graduating from middle school. I know the word limit can be difficult to work around.

You did a nice job building the suspense. When he said he'd take Jen to Disney no matter what,my mind whirred in all directions. Your message is good too. Marriage is not to be taken lightly. Good job.

Check out Jan's Writing Basics on the message boards.It's wonderful for all levels of writing and now she is reviewing the criteria the judges use. :-)
02/14/14
I enjoyed your story so much! It held my attention from beginning to end.

God bless~