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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Blessed (10/11/12)
Stepping off the bus into the night, Ruth heard people yelling. As she stretched her neck to see past the men in front of her, she saw that two women, most likely in their early twenties, were arguing. As she walked with her son across the street towards the women, Ruth’s heart sank as one of the women pushed the other to the ground.

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” The smaller woman screamed as she struggled to stand. Her t-shirt was ripped, and her long brown hair was dirty and mussed.

An older man tried to stop the fight, but he was ignored as if he was not even there. He held out his arms to separate the women, but the tough one shoved a fist in his face and told him to get lost. Ruth had been holding her breath, hoping the man would end the fight, and was disappointed when he turned and walked away.

“Why are they fighting, Mom?” Robbie asked.

From what Ruth had heard spewing from the tough woman’s mouth, it had to do with her boyfriend. “It seems that one is jealous.”

People were walking every which way, as if they didn't notice that a fight was happening right in front of them. Ruth was baffled that at the corner of a major intersection, not even a car stopped to help. Crossing the street once again, she hoped that someone would quickly call the police.

The screams became louder, and Ruth saw the tough woman chasing the other across to her side of the street and onto the sidewalk. She then pushed her; knocking her back into the street in front of a bus that was just starting to go forward on a green light. The woman quickly jumped up onto the sidewalk, but as soon as she got her footing, the tough one punched her in the face, knocking her to the ground. Ruth’s heart ached as she watched the woman crawl to a patch of grass, only to get kicked in the side again and again.

“Blessed are the peacemakers…”

Ruth stopped. Those words… they came to her mind as if spoken to her. She had left Christianity years before so she was surprised to hear the words of Jesus Christ; and not only that, she felt as if she was being told to stop the women from fighting. She began to shake. The women were standing now, but the tough one held the other by the collar of her shirt, while screaming into her face. Ruth did not have the confidence or strength to approach them… never mind tell them what to do. Taking Robbie’s hand, she walked away.

She felt the nudge. No… she couldn't. It got stronger and stronger, and then Ruth knew that she couldn't avoid it anymore. Bending down, she told Robbie that she had to at least try to stop the fight.

“No, Mommy. You can’t… you’ll get hurt.”

“I will be fine. Now stay here and don’t move.” Ruth had to act brave for her son’s sake, but inside she was shaking like a leaf, and she could barely feel her legs.

“MOMMY! Don’t go… please.” Tears ran down Robbie’s face, and he followed Ruth despite being told to stay back.

Ruth approached the women, “Can you please stop fighting?”

The tough woman looked at her as if she were crazy, then turned and looked at Robbie. “Tell your kid to leave.”

Shaking her head, Ruth told the women that she was afraid one of them would get hurt. After a few words, she managed to convince the tough one that it was in her best interest to leave, as their situation could not possibly end well otherwise. A few minutes passed, and both women walked away in separate directions as Ruth let out a sigh of relief.

Ruth hugged Robbie as tight as she could, and once again she heard the words. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” (NIV)

For the past ten years, Ruth had been estranged from God and believed that he had forgotten about her. But tonight, he had chosen to work through her… and had called her his child. Her heart raced with excitement as she prayed right there on the sidewalk… she was home.
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This article has been read 984 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Brenda Rice
10/20/12
Your story is well written and interesting. You have a nice take on the topic, too. Good job.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
10/20/12
This is a great story. You grabbed my attention immediately with the screams and fight. It is sad that in this world people don't want to get involved and it can be a very dangerous thing as well.

There were spots were you did more telling than showing. An example would be this line: An older man tried to stop the fight, but he was ignored as if he was not even there.
It may feel like showing but it is really telling.

However,the next line is an outstanding job of showing. This sentence paints a great picture for me:
He held out his arms to separate the women, but the tough one shoved a fist in his face
I know part of it may have been that the word count limited you. I did enjoy the characters and you defined the word conflict with your accounting of the fight. You had me holding my breath and willing someone to help. You covered the topic and did so in an exciting way while delivering a great message.
Colin Swann
10/22/12
A good down-to-earth story that is interesting and well written. Keep writing this good stuff for us to read! Thanks!

Colin (Gold Member)
lynn gipson 
10/23/12
Great story...I really enjoy your writing! Keep up the good work.

God BLess, Lynn
Noel Mitaxa 
10/23/12
This is a great reply to those who misrepresent Jesus' words as "blessed are the peace lovers."
Very insightful portrayal of your MC's doubts and fears, and courage to act on God's prompting. Well done.
Verna Cole Mitchell 
10/23/12
Your story was very interesting and was a great illustration of the verse.
Loren T. Lowery
10/23/12
God never leaves or forsakes us, does He? You story is a great example of this.
Allison Egley 
10/24/12
I like this!

The first paragraph could be rewritten to provide a better "hook." It's a bit awkward in wording as it is now. For example, we don't need to know how old the women are, necessarily. Instead of just telling us Ruth heard shouting, show us. "Shouting pierced the still night air as Ruth stepped off the bus. She turned towards the shouts, trying to see what the commotion was about." Or something like that. My example isn't the best either!

I love the story you painted here, and loved God's method to get Ruth back. :)
Bea Edwards 
10/24/12
Your story reminded me a bit of the Good Samaritan getting involved in someone else's mess.
Interesting and creative approach to this topic. Well done!
C D Swanson 
10/25/12
Excellent job, powerfully written and a sure winner in the process. I thought this piece was insightful, and riveting. Great job with this piece. Thank you.

God bless~
Willena Flewelling
10/25/12
The good Samaritan is what came to mind for me too. This is a great story, and you have a relaxed writing style. I enjoyed reading it.
Nancy Bucca
10/25/12
Wow! I love the story here, and what a happy ending! Congratulations on your EC.
Margaret Kearley
10/30/12
Wow Marie! I have only just had the chance to read this story and can well understand why it was awarded first place. You had me shaking also, with anticipation and longing. Above this though, was the truth of God's working and restoring a soul to Himself in such amazing unconceivable circumstances. It was thrilling and moving, givin such hope for those who presently may be 'away'. Thank you for such a beautiful story. God bless you in your writing.