Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Search Engine (10/06/11)
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TITLE: What Are You Searching For? | Previous Challenge Entry
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10/09/11 -
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He looked like a real flesh and blood person and for a moment I had forgotten it was a computer image and reached out to touch it.
Then I went back to the list of topics and clicked on I am the Truth, there stood an image of Jesus holding a dove that I took to represent the Holy Spirit. His smile was disarming and the feathers on the bird seemed so alive I thought it would fly out of the computer onto my shoulders.
I sat staring at this image for a minute, wondering what it meant. What was happening to me and why it was happening to me, maybe it was the rich barbeque sauce I had for dinner the night before or the fact that I hadn’t gotten much rest in the last 24 hours. Somehow none of these reasons seemed to ring true for me. I was completely awake, not dreaming, not in bed – as a matter of fact, I had just finished lunch when I turned on the computer.
No explanation seemed acceptable. Then I decided to investigate further by clicking on the 3rd topic in the listing, I am the Life. This led to an experience that cannot be adequately explained by mere words, one must have been there to experience it to know how I felt. On the clicking of this topic I was brought into a bright light that emanated from the screen. It projected rays of golden amber and crimson red that covered my body and created a surge of energy throughout my body.
I was shaken to the core of my being. Was this the trick of some search engine guru? Then I felt compelled to ask what its purpose was and why this was happening to me. His face turned radiant like the sun and his smile filled the entire screen with warmth that was comforting and sincere. He looked at me with pleading eyes and said I had to get your attention somehow. You busy yourself with your work which you believe you are doing for me never letting me into it. I do believe you are sincere, but remember the one who gave you the work in the first place – remember me. I promise it will go easier for you if you do.
Tears formed in my eyes as I said, Jesus I am sorry, I will remember to ask you into my work the next time. Then a peace that surpasses all understanding spread over me and I was happier than I had ever been.
Now I want to ask you, does your computer come first before Jesus?
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Isn't it something how HE came into your work world to seek you out bc you weren't seeking Him enough. He wanted more of you and went after you. O the love of our wonderful God. You have inspired and touched my heart.
On topic, good start and end and very satisfying to read.
I loved the message and the meaning and Jesus wanting us to put Him first in everything. Amen to that.
Great job- keep writing. God Bless you~
A weakness would be #3 (craft). You might want to work on things like word choice and sentence structure, to make to actual reading experience for you reader more compelling.
I'd also commend you on #7 (flow). This drew me in, and it was a pleasant read.
Topic 4.5 You certainly covered a difficult topic in a creative way.
Creativity 4.5 Again you hit it out of the park. This was fresh and you didn't fall into the angel or dream trap.
Communication: 3.9 You had a good message and I easily understood what you were getting at.
Craft 3.6 This was well-written with few mistakes. I felt like you were talking directly to me.
Start 3.3 You did a nice job setting up your points and following through.
End 3.0 Ithink you went one sentence too far. Don't out and out ask the reader the question but let your writing stand on it's own. If you did your job, the reader will questions herself without your out and out asking.
Flow 3.5 You did a nice job transition through the message.
Publishable 3.3 This is a clear message with abroad intended audience.