The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1273 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Unusual love story. :D

Your writing is clear. The descriptions were more than adequate. :]
The story moved at a good pace. Interesting the different customs and rituals people have.
Well done.
02/14/09
I couldn't do it--nope, not me!

I just wonder why her husband didn't fill her in on all the rituals and her expectations ahead of time.

Cute title, and good ending.
02/16/09
Ewwwww...no way I could do that! Oh. The mention of the monkey hairs...*shudder*! Good story-telling here!
02/18/09
I think the core of your story is really great and a creative take on the topic.

I kind of wish I wouldn't have read this just before bed. The monkey's lifeless eyes ... uggg. The 2 paragraphs describing her "meal?"... EXCELLENT writing. Excellent! A little too excellent. ;)

I will be honest and say that their being so giddy in love after he lost his wife of 30 years just 4 months prior, did not add to the story for me .. in fact it hurt the plausibility of it all the way through and my respect for the MCs. Maybe that sounds silly, but I just felt a bit suspicious of them because it is not usual or commendable to "fall in love like teenagers" so soon after the death of a spouse.
Just something to maybe think about for the future.

Simplicity is often best. :)

You just want us to know they are in love, so it's best to do that without creating complications or doubts or using "fillers."

Hope that helps.

Keep writing!!