The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/22/08
Your tongue-in-cheek voice is delightful as are your descriptive details. I especially liked this phrase for the setting: "early morning mist and in the fading long shadows of dusk." The only things I stumbled over slightly were the transition from the outside menagerie to the kids wanting a pet and from your care of fish to the lollipop-hands. I enjoyed the snippets of dialogue and the accurate portrayal of the children as well as "pure soul."
05/26/08
I thoroughly enjoyed your voice in this--and I can commisserate with you. Just be thankful the goldfish is silent and hairless! :-)
Congratulations on taking 10th place in your level with this piece, Angeline!