The Official Writing Challenge
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Boy - I think we ALL know someone who could fit in this scenario! I can tell you are frustrated about it - I must say that this truly reminded me of the importance of work, and how important it is nont to be lazy. I must admit I was hoping for a bit more from this - maybe one of the verses from Proverbs to indicate that it was not just YOUR frustration, but God's as well - but that could just be me! Keep writing!
I agree with some of the points you made as well. Looking at the technical aspects of this story--you may want to go back and look at the length of some of your sentences. Some of them could have been shortened or simplified. That would have made it easier for the reader to follow. Also, don't forget what your focus is, but keep working towards conveying it to the reader. You have good ideas. Keep writing!
How true and sad. As I read this, I was thinking how cool it would be to interview your father and then write his story - from his viewpoint. Have you ever done that? Good message.