The Official Writing Challenge
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This is powerful stuff. I can feel your emotion coming through. This looks and reads like a poem, but to me had a fictional story feel to it.

I really think you could write a heck of a story, especially if you kept the first person narrative. Bring in some more description (sounds, smells, etc.), perhaps.

Your first stanza is excellent and hooked me right away.

I truly enjoyed this. Nice work.