The Official Writing Challenge
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07/20/06
Awesome writing! What a great story--the incident unfolds gradually, drawing your readers deeper and deeper in. I'd encourage you to find a title that better fits this intense story. Love it.
07/21/06
Seems to have ended too abruptly, but a life-sounding story. (Watch words - dying, not dieing.) Thoughtful.
07/22/06
Was the husband at fault? Was he the back-up cop that failed to do his job correctly? Speaking from this Reader's viewpoint, I needed to know more about the Incident...to understand WHY the deep freeze; Until that is known I can't take sides...so I feel the story was incomplete. And, of course, somebody already mentioned the "dying" episode. But the story idea as a whole is a great read...and a unique concept on the topic "Soul". So,
Keep at it...never give up!
Great potential here.
07/22/06
This has the makings of a great story, even a novel. You've done well in introducing and giving us a picture of Abby. Too bad about the word limit, cutting things short, here. I do agree about the title. Readers like something catchy, unusual, to peak their curiosity. For example, I tried rearranging words you already have in your story, to suggest an example: "Dying To Heal." [Not that hot, but maybe it conveys the idea.] This was interesting reading.
07/26/06
You conveyed the emotion very well. Pain is often illogical, lashing out in every direction with unreasonable intensity. Abby felt it and you showed us her pain. Yes, tell us more - there is at least a short story here.
07/26/06
You conveyed the emotion very well. Pain is often illogical, lashing out in every direction with unreasonable intensity. Abby felt it and you showed us her pain. Yes, tell us more - there is at least a short story here.
07/27/06
What a vivid picture you conveyed here - Abby's pain and yours too. A pity about the word count or we would have learnt more, I'm sure. Very good writing skills.
07/27/06
Congratulations, Ruth! First place for first-class writing!
08/01/06
The second sentence captured my attention. Your subject matter of raw feelings are hard to write about, hard to relive. You've given your characters a direction toward healing.
03/29/07
So amazingly vivid. I was totally engaged from beginning to end. Your description was absolutely enrapturing.
03/29/07
Wow, what a moving piece of work here. Raw, emotional, great detail, great work here!