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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Soul (07/13/06)

TITLE: Birth of a Soul
By Caitlynn Lowe
07/18/06


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‘Twas there upon the Timeless Land
The Creator sat, with outstretched hand;
And here the miracle occurred--
Though borne from nothing, a new soul stirred.

Into the empty space He blew,
Igniting the flame of life anew.
The fire raged inside His palm,
Yet under His gaze it soon did calm.

It thirsted only for the sight
Of its Maker, the Being of Light.
Yet Father knew His new child’s life
Would stray as it was tested with strife.

Beaming with love, yet filled with woe,
He looked at the ethereal glow
And whispered softly to spark,
“My child, My child, beware of the dark,

It longs to steal you far away,
So remember to look up and pray.
Though, in your life you’ll soon forget
These words at your birth, yet, do not fret.

For I shall guide you through the storms
And love you through both praises and scorn.
As you lament, I will as well;
Know my love alone has conquered Hell.”


When the soul’s mortal birth arrived
Its Creator’s promise still survived.
As for the soul’s eternal state,
By trusting in God, it will do great.


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This article has been read 874 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 07/20/06
Very strong in both rhyme and meter, and I love the whispered "Beware of the dark."
Amy Nicholson07/20/06
I enjoyed this very much! Yes, "beware of the dark" could very well have been repeated as the theme. I felt it kind of fizzled out in the last stanza, but overall, I loved it!
Debbie Sickler07/24/06
As Jan already stated, this was structured very well. Nice entry. :)
T. F. Chezum07/24/06
Good job. Good rhyme and meter, I enjoyed this.
Venice Kichura07/24/06
Good job of meter, rhyming & message!
Jen Davis07/24/06
I agree with the above comments about the line "beware of the dark." I also like the line "As you lament, I will as well." Very nice.
Jan Ross07/24/06
My favorite part: "Into the empty space He blew, Igniting the flame of life anew. The fire raged inside His palm, Yet under His gaze it soon did calm." One comment -- I wouldn't have capitalized "hell" but that may be a personal preference. Very nice! :)
Lisa Vest07/24/06
I really liked this poem. Flowed well; ryhme and meter were great. Just all around a great poem.
Brenda Craig07/24/06
beautiful poem, loved the spark part. Wonderful writing!
Shari Armstrong 07/24/06
Very nice :)
Dr. Sharon Schuetz07/24/06
Good poem. Wonderful message and delivery.
william price07/25/06
Very, very nice. I enjoyed this.
God Bless!
Joanne Sher 07/25/06
For I shall guide you through the storms
And love you through both praises and scorn.

LOVED that line - I enjoyed this a lot!
Trina Courtenay07/25/06
A pleasure to read. :)
Teri Wilson07/25/06
Very nice job. I've always admired people who can write poetry.
Kimberly Mitchell07/25/06
Oh it's so pretty and you are full of talent. I wish I could write poems like this.
Phyllis Inniss 07/26/06
Great poem. I just loved it.
Stephen Paynter07/26/06
I enjoyed this poem, and found the tone fun. I'm am not a poet, so I can't really comment on the technicalities of the poetry, but if I was to suggest ways of improving your poetry I would encourage you to look harder for striking images (and perhaps more "powerful" words). I hope you find these comments helpful. Thanks again for a good read.
Tracey Jackson07/26/06
Lovely message - and I take my hat off to anyone who can make poetry rhyme like that! Well done!