The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
07/20/06
This piece shows great promise as an effective allegory...work on consistent tenses, run-on sentences, and paragraphing--those mechanics of writing that can transform a piece of promise into a polished masterpiece. I really liked your battlefield analogy.
07/21/06
The armor of apathy - good use of words here. Nicely done, but could use some white space for reading ease. I like this for its conciseness and message.
07/22/06
This is a great description of the battle for souls. I agree that more white space would make it easier to read. Try breaking it up into shorter paragraphs. You've got some natural breaks written in - use them.
07/25/06
I agree with the above comments. Your images were very powerful and captured the attention of the reader and I noted a bit of poetry and rhyme somewhere in between which gave the piece a certain momentum. Well done.