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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Great (07/06/06)

TITLE: Stay, Baby, Stay
By Dr. Sharon Schuetz
07/13/06


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“I’m tired of hearing it.” Linda Stokes threw her jewelry in the suitcase on top of her clothes and slammed the lid, “I’m through. I’ve had nothing but promises from you for twelve-years and I don’t want to hear anymore.”

“Please Baby, this is the big one.” Jerry Stokes followed her out of the room. “I promise, Friday night we’ll be celebrating. You’ll see.”

Linda didn’t look back. As far as she was concerned, it was over. Her Buick left a skid mark on the pavement when she pulled out. How could he do this, after I’ve worked so hard to get us out of debt and pay our creditors? He knew that money was for the down payment on our house.

Linda reached for her cell phone to call her best friend, Lisa. “Well it’s over. I left him.”

“Really? What happened?” Linda heard Lisa catch her breath on the other end of the line.

“I’ll tell you about it when I get there. Oh, by the way, can I stay at your place for a couple of days?”

“Sure, my door is always open.” Lisa could tell she’d been crying. She would do anything for her childhood friend.

“Great, I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.”

Twenty minutes later, she rang Lisa’s doorbell. Even in blue jeans and tee shirt, Linda was beautiful. Her dark eyes needed no make-up. Her French braid made her look younger than her thirty-four years.

“Come on in, the tea is on the coffee table.” Lisa knew it would be a late night. “What happened? The last I knew Jerry was doing well and you were saving for your new house.”

Linda slowly set her cup down. “I thought everything was fine until I got the bank statement today. He paid our twelve-thousand-dollars to his bookie. He even tried to convince me that he invested it and we would double our money on Friday.”

“You’re kidding.” Lisa was flabbergasted.

“Lisa, he took the money three-weeks ago. I don’t understand why he can’t just be content to live a normal life. He keeps telling me that he’s going to be great one day. He’s going to make it big.” Linda twisted her used Kleenex.

“Hum, the problem with that is big is never enough.” Lisa bit into a cookie. “I just wish Jerry could believe that God can give him what he needs.”

“Yeah, he has such a warped sense of values. We just paid all his debts and now he owes another twenty-eight thousand dollars. I’ve never seen him so afraid. He pretends that everything is okay, but I know someone’s after him. In fact, I’m almost afraid to be in the house anymore. I can’t go through this again. Sam Tillison’s not a patient man.” Linda drained her cup and reached for the teapot.

“I don’t understand him anymore. He says that he’s doing it for me. I just want a great guy, not someone who’s great. My idea of greatness is a couple of kids, a house, and a husband who loves me and will serve God with me. I never know from week to week how much we owe some bookie. Mr. Tillison has a reputation for going to serious lengths to get his money back, and Jerry owes him a lot.”

Lisa reached for her friend’s hand, “What are you going to do?”

“I’m not sure. I guess I’ll rent an apartment. I just know I can’t live like this.” She squeezed Lisa’s hand. “I’m just glad I have you or I don’t know what I’d do right now.” Linda stifled a yawn. “I guess I’d better go to bed. It’s after midnight and I have to be at work early. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Lisa hugged her just before she closed her bedroom door.

Linda quickly fell into a deep fitful sleep. At 3:02 AM, her bedroom door opened and the light came on. Lisa stood in the door, her face ashen. “Linda, the police are here. They want to talk to you. It’s about Jerry.”

Although she had only two hours sleep, she was wide-awake seconds later when she entered the living room. “Yes, may I help you?”

“Mrs. Stokes, Mrs. Gerald Stokes?” The officer stood in the foyer.

“Your neighbor told me that you were here. I’m afraid I have some bad news, Ma’am.” He removed his hat.

“Yes?”

“It’s about your husband. Someone shot up your home tonight. Your husband was there. He’s dead, Ma’am.”


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Member Comments
Member Date
Amy Nicholson07/13/06
This was a good read, but I'm not sure how it fits with the topic. "I want a great guy, not someone who's great..." is that the theme? Other than that, a well-put-together story.
Steve Uppendahl 07/13/06
Very entertaining story. It ends abruptly (of course it has to, doesn't it). But, it left me a bit unsatisfied. What if you ended it when the police arrive? The reader would be left wondering what happened.

With knowing Jerry is dead, I wanted some reaction from the wife, but we don't get that chance.

Again, a very well done story.
Marilyn Schnepp 07/14/06
I ask myself... "Does this story have a satisfactory conclusion?" However, many excellent points are made during the friendly chat between the two friends. Some good thoughts to ponder.
terri tiffany07/16/06
I thought you wrote the conversation between the two of hem well and also pulled in some nice detail. I was wondering where the ending would go and wished you had more words...it sort of dropped there but as I was reading it I thought this is the kind of writing I see in good fiction books. Nice work.