The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
07/13/06
This story lured me in, kept me interested, then dropped the ball. Unsatisfactory ending...(just THIS Reader's opinion, however). Otherwise, nicely written.
Very cool concept. I truly like the idea, but I needed a bit more clarification/detail. Why would a teenager not want to go to Hawaii? If he can leave all night at home, he can surely do the same in paradise.

The ending left me wanting more, which is a good thing. But, in my opinion, a bit too much is left hanging. I'm intrigued by your characters, try expanding this idea into a longer piece. It would be well worth reading.

Keep it up.

07/14/06
Very good example of how one teen's rebellion can hurt others and spoil the hopes of enjoying each other as a family. Strange way to use the word "great". In sarcasim. What adults would have thought was really great, a teen rebuffs. Nothings great with the "folks" around cramping his style. I thought the story ended in an appropriate, realistic manner for today's high-risk teens.This is not a fairy tale where everyone lives happily .... well, you know.
07/19/06
You made good use of dialog. I have to agree about the ending though. I found it discouraging. I guess we don't always need perfect wrap ups ... but then I never like sad endings. just me
07/19/06
Sorry guys. This kid didn't have a happy ending once he began to happen. It just wasn't to be. Ever met one of those characters in writing?