The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/23/06
You made several very good points here! Maybe too many...I found it hard to follow. Your interesting vignettes will be more powerful if given a bit more focus. Thanks for this "complex" piece!
06/23/06
You have a lot of good ideas here, but too many in one article. It started out to be about a grandma and then wandered to being about the author (a father, etc). If you could find a way to have a smoother transition between the sections, it would help. Good start :)
06/26/06
Yeah, I agree with the above, probably a bit much for a short essay. It's a good start, and a place to grow from.