The Official Writing Challenge
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06/22/06
Not an easy story to read if one hates violence...but a very moving story nonetheless. Thank you for sharing.
06/23/06
Yikes, a scary end-times scenario, very inspiringly written. One easy fix in this paragraph:

...As if on cue, the final member of the tribunal shifted forward, seemingly resting their chin on their hands, like they were intrigued by his answer...

You were probably trying to avoid naming the gender of the tribunal member, but (because English has pronoun issues) the contsruction ends up awkward--"their" and "they" used for just one person. Try something like this:

...As if on cue, the final member of the tribunal shifted forward, a firm chin resting on satin-sleeved hands. The tribunal was obviously intrigued by his answer...

It's a minor fix, in a powerful piece. Good job!



06/25/06
Wow...powerful!
06/26/06
Powerful, and very interesting.