The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
06/22/06
Brilliantly creative and excellent writing....but, and this is only one Reader's opinion - I got bored mid-way through, as it became a sermonette, and I lost interest...hurriedly skipping and scanning on down to the finish line. But still, IT IS Brilliantly written - just too long for me. (Honesty is the best policy...they say.)
06/23/06
Very good extended metaphor. I really like your 6th paragraph with its alliteration. One note: I think you meant "desert" instead of "dessert" (unless you were wandering through pie...) I like the last vignette a great deal. Good job.
06/26/06
I think Jan called this an extended metaphor, I couldn't agree more. Well done.