The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/15/06
Interesting take on the topic! And some intriguing phrases woven in there. I like it.
Wow! That last part nearly made me cry. This is an awesome story and with just a bit of work would be really powerful. Let me know if you want an in-depth critique. Good Job!
06/17/06
Very creative - I'm going to have to read this again!
Very descriptive. I like it. You touched a chord inside us all. Thanks.
06/19/06
Very creative, we don't see a lot of fantasy here. Well presented.
06/20/06
Great detail and imagination!I think you write very well!:)
06/20/06
Very imaginative and creative. Nice work. :) Thanks for sharing.
Hats off! Extremely creative. I want to read the book now!

One suggestion: Third paragraph...Try third person or passive voice to strengthen this section. Most agree that second person works best in dialogue.

I'm so glad to find out who the narrator is at the end. The 'song' and 'story' theme draws the reader in even deeper! Well done!
06/20/06
You took me by complete surprise. How many times have we sung a song when we are scared, lonely, happy. This was so creative and delightful. I will depart now with a song in my heart.
06/21/06
Written with an expert hand.
I love descriptive works of art and this one drew me in from the beginning.

Trina<><
06/21/06
A lovely lyrical piece. Well done.