The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
06/15/06
"And....." What happened? Sorry, great story, written well, but your readers need an ending - one way or another your readers want an ending.
06/16/06
Yeah, begs for more. Pretty good job, the first part was a little convoluted but the point of Beth/Meg feud was clear. Probably, a "to be continued", would have solved reader problems.
I don't think it needs much more ending. But I was unsure whether she believed in Jesus at the end, or just realized her doom. Perhaps tweeking the last line a little, or even adding just one more thought line, would do the trick. Great story, though!
06/17/06
I agree with Amy. Maybe clarify whether or not Meg was a Christian, but otherwise I loved it. I really don't think it needed more. I got the feeling she was going to die, I don't really see the men being kind hearted at all. But it had an ending to me. :) I loved your descriptions and the tension I could feel during it! I think you did a wonderful job!
06/20/06
I thought your descriptions were very real..not overdone. I think it jumped abit from the beginning about her and Beth(?) and then to what happened to her. I did like the ending..we knew her fate then though hoped for a different one.
Bravo! A bold stroke, Sharon, very compelling, chilling. The lack of a 'feel-good' ending is what makes the reader ponder the whole point in a personal way.

My 'suspense sense' begs to see your opening start at the chronological beginning, and let the horror build from there. I'd vote the second paragraph as your opener. The "trapped in trunk" description is powerful, too...It could go in the section where all that is happening.

All in all, a very compelling entry! I'm glad your wonderful talent is exploring all the amazing possibilities!
06/20/06
The point for me was this: All of us should be careful of what we say and do,for we may reap what we sew in some form or fashion. It may not be to these depths but eventually it will come somehow. Very forceful way to present a selfish and careles heart. The ending demands some personal evaluation of our own attitudes and thoughts. Kudos, great job.
06/20/06
You definitely drew me in to a compelling story. But I was left undone as a reader. Of course keep in mind I one of those happy-ending-kind-of-guys. You built the suspense very well. Good job.
06/21/06
So sad......

I'd like to know why she was abducted ... it seemed kind of pointless to me ... but that is just my view.

Your descriptions are excellent. Well done.
06/21/06
I think your ending is quite clear, expecially when taken in combination with your title. Great job of building up both suspense and terror.
06/21/06
Why do I immediately think one of the kidnappers names must be "doog"? I don't think I necessarily wanted a better ending--just not sure I wanted to be left to think about what the ending should be . . . Meaning, you did a very good job of telling your story!!! Ample description, ample diagloge, good flow! You made me dislike the girl enough that I was ALMOST glad something bad happened to her. Just not that!!! Maybe tripping on her way out the door or something!
06/21/06
Hey, my LOL got cut-off because I put it in HTML brackets. Oh, here it is. LOL
06/21/06
Powerful message woven throughout, no matter what the outcome, the message comes through loud and clear.
Perfectly penned, leaves much food for thought.
06/21/06
I think her fate is clear by the ending that you have. Now, if the story was to take a turn for the better I would definitely want to know. But as it is, the ending suggest the worst and that is enough. You had me sitting on the edge of my seat. Well done.