The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
06/15/06
Quiet and quite were used frequently - but spelled incorrectly. This could have used some editing...but you did a good job nevertheless. Thanks for sharing.
God's blessing is obvious and hard to argue. I am blessed to hear your experience of God. However, it would have been more glorious with a proofread. You used some phrases that were awkward. You did not use commas when you needed them and you misspelled a few words. Nothing major in the editing area, but it would have had more impact on your reader if done correctly. Say hello to Old Fishy.
Miss Andre.
06/16/06
A little editting and I think you have something good here. I believe we have already talked about using the preview to get rid of format marks. Keep on writing.
06/17/06
Good job detailing your experience. Though I'm a bit cofused about the title and where the fish really fits into the story. The last paragraph about Old Fishy seems like an after thought. Perhaps you might have helped the reader imagine what it would be like to experience the wind, rain and noise of Rita as the fish in the tank. Then end it with a sense of relief on your part in seeing him and his part in living thru it.
06/18/06
I guess you know about the editing by now, so I'll just say this was an enjoyable read. I think you were trying to use Old Fishy as an example of God's protection during the storm...this could be developed and interwoven into this story a little more and I think you'd have a great piece for publishing.