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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Abundance (06/08/06)

TITLE: Old Fishy
By Alfreda Byars


Old Fishy

It’s Thursday June 8th, 2006 at 8:25 p.m. The sun has set and the day is starting to put itself to sleep. The crickets and locusts are making their noises; the birds are quite, yet I can still hear one in a distance. The neighborhood is quiet, no one walking or running about, not even a dog.
The streetlights have come on and the evening is still, not a breeze to be felt and the heat index is at 81. This is good for Texas; the summer hasn’t quiet started yet, and with the summer, comes Hurricane Season.

I live in a small town about 84 miles out of Houston and just a hop skip
and a jump from Louisiana. Hurricane Katrina didn’t hit us but the one that followed that did, Hurricane Rita. The people here learned there lesson from what went on with Hurricane Katrina and when the news announced that Hurricane Rita was on her way with winds as high as 150mph and it was mandatory for Beaumont residents to evacuate. Believe you me we got out of Dodge. We packed up our stuff, our children and our animals, a Shetland sheepdog, a Labrador and 4 pit bull puppies. We were three families traveling in four cars, a total of 15 people and 6 dogs. The evacuation route was bumper to bumper in a 101-degree heat. We prayed before we got on the road and asked God to go before us and grant us a safe trip and he did just that, we found a route that only took a couple of hours to reach our destination, which was Humble Texas.

The storm didn’t hit Houston and the Humble area, but our town Beaumont got beat pretty bad, it was three weeks before the city was opened for people to return to their homes. It was like coming home to a new city. Everything looked so different, so many trees were down and the power was still out in many areas. Most restaurants and food stores were closed because of damages and workers that had not yet returned. Every area was affected, schools, hospitals, nursing homes, the mall and even churches and there was
also a curfew issued for no one to be on the streets after dark.

People returned and began the cleanup process and there were many that did not return at all. But my family and I were blessed with Abundance of God’s Grace and Mercy. My home was as I left it, nothing missing, nothing broken and my sister Barbara and my brother’s home was fine, their neighbor’s tree had fallen over into their yard across the driveway, causing no damage at all.

Old fishy is a tropical fish with an attitude, he’s aggressive and has already eaten his roommate. Fishy was left home alone in the storm, and my sister Barbara was worried about him while we were away, but when she returned home, she found that old Fishy was still alive, flapping his little fins away.

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This article has been read 690 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Marilyn Schnepp 06/15/06
Quiet and quite were used frequently - but spelled incorrectly. This could have used some editing...but you did a good job nevertheless. Thanks for sharing.
Andre Kingston06/15/06
God's blessing is obvious and hard to argue. I am blessed to hear your experience of God. However, it would have been more glorious with a proofread. You used some phrases that were awkward. You did not use commas when you needed them and you misspelled a few words. Nothing major in the editing area, but it would have had more impact on your reader if done correctly. Say hello to Old Fishy.
Miss Andre.
dub W06/16/06
A little editting and I think you have something good here. I believe we have already talked about using the preview to get rid of format marks. Keep on writing.
Allen Clupny06/17/06
Good job detailing your experience. Though I'm a bit cofused about the title and where the fish really fits into the story. The last paragraph about Old Fishy seems like an after thought. Perhaps you might have helped the reader imagine what it would be like to experience the wind, rain and noise of Rita as the fish in the tank. Then end it with a sense of relief on your part in seeing him and his part in living thru it.
Lisa Vest06/18/06
I guess you know about the editing by now, so I'll just say this was an enjoyable read. I think you were trying to use Old Fishy as an example of God's protection during the storm...this could be developed and interwoven into this story a little more and I think you'd have a great piece for publishing.