Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Personal Peace (06/01/06)
TITLE: Against the Wall
By Jen Davis
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Last week the doctor called. This is usually not a good indication. It’s so much more reassuring when the nurse calls with test results, which usually signifies that everything is fine. Receiving the card in the mail, now that’s even better. Then there is nothing to worry about; everything is normal. Because the doctor is calling—I sense that everything is not normal. I wait to hear what she has to say. Those moments stretch out beyond the normal realm of time, or so it seems. The next few words she speaks may forever change my life. Standing in my kitchen, I cling to the receiver.
“There was a mass found on the X-ray,” she said in a rather concerned tone of voice.
“A what?” There are no previous connections in my brain for this unfamiliar arrangement of words. It takes a moment to sink in.
“Can you come in next week so that we can do some further testing?” she continued.
I have carried the weight of this burden for seven long days now. As I stand in this room and continue to wait, I grow more anxious by the minute. The hospital gown is opened to the front and leaves me feeling vulnerable. I shiver from the cold air that blows too strongly from the vent. I can hear an exchange of laughter coming from down the hall; I long to join them, but instead, a single tear escapes before I can discern what my heart is feeling.
After the test is done, the nurse leads me back to the same room. I can get dressed now, she tells me, and wait until the doctor comes in with the results. I’m glad to have my clothes again; their warmth and familiarity comfort me. I will find out today. I will not have to wait any longer. My mind tries to fill in the blanks. What if …? What will …? So many questions to think about, but no answers come. Suspecting this room is used for situations like mine, I wonder how many others have stood where I stand and have waited to hear their future. How many received good news? How many did not? I sense the tears that have spilled onto these floors and then mopped away. I want to cry for them and for myself. This is hard.
Standing in this room, I close my eyes and lift my head up in prayer, longing to feel the presence of my Lord. I begin to lose my balance and start to fall backwards, but instead I lean gently against the wall behind me. Keeping my eyes closed, I settle into it and feel it supporting me. A sense of peace that surpasses understanding resonates within me. A smile rests upon my face as I realize: God is like the wall that holds me up, supporting me. I cannot see Him, but I can feel Him. His peace settles over me and becomes my own. God has taken a step closer to me. I am not alone. Whatever the news is, I can handle it. I will walk through it. With God’s support, I will be all right and so will my family.
I received good news that day. Praise God. Yet the most amazing thing God showed me was that I can have peace even in life’s most difficult moments and that I can deal with anything when I lean into Him.
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