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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Personal Peace (06/01/06)

TITLE: Inner Peace
By Ladonna Sweet
06/05/06


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For the past two years, Mary had been a patient at the Find Inner Peace Hospital. Her eyes stared at nothing, it was almost as if she felt nothing, saw nothing or knew nothing. The two doctors standing at the glass windows looking into her room, both had varying opinions on what was causing this young woman’s problems. Sara a clean cut sophisticated lady was a staunch feminist who believed science and all the answers. She believed that Mary’s problems came from the cosmos that something in her brain structure was not right and she had just slipped of into an oblivion only she could know. Sam was a middle aged rough around the edges guy, who loved football and cars, and believed one hundred percent in Jesus Christ. He believed Mary’s problems stemmed from the heart; she needed to find inner peace through the only One who could give it.
These two doctors had, had countless arguments about what they believed, and why. Sara saying astrology charts and tarot cards could solve anyone’s problems, everything in life was chance. No real right or wrong answers. What was good for one could be wrong for another. Sam saying that God was the only way to real peace and happiness, life was not chance, it was planned by a loving creator who only wanted the best for the people He made.
Sara turned from studying Mary and said to Sam, we both believe we are right, we will both try our theories out on Mary, whoever succeeds in helping her, will prove to the other who is right. Sam smiled saying sounds like a good plan to me. Who should go first? Sara said I will, but there will be no interfering while I try my theory out, and I won’t interfere when it is you turn, agreed? Agreed Sam replied. Sara left for a minute went to her desk retrieved a notebook, pen, her astrology chart and tarot cards. Then very quietly so as not to disturbed Mary went into her room, she said hi Mary, my name is Sara and I am here to help you find your true meaning, if there is just one true meaning for you. Mary just stared blankly without acknowledging that anyone was in the room with her.
The first thing Sara showed to Mary was the astrology chart. Mary according to my chart you are a Virgo, and I am a Leo. Sara explained the Sun’s movement and how it affected a person’s behavior. During Sara’s explanation Mary only showed a little bit of interest, other then that she just stared blankly at the wall. Next Sara took out her tarot cards, and started to go through the ritual of showing Mary what would happen to her, all of a sudden Mary went crazy, she started yelling and screaming. Saying that she did not want to die, there was nothing, nothing she had done, she would not even look at the cards. Quickly Sara picked up the cards and left, afraid she might scare Mary further. She went and stood by Sam, clearly shaken by what had happened. Sam gently patted her shoulder and said my turn. I am going to tell her she can have personal peace. Right! Sara scoffed you can‘t see personal peace, the sun you can see and judge things by it, but peace what is that? Sam smiled and said I don’t see personal peace, because I feel it in my heart. He then picked up his Bible and went quietly into Mary’s room, were she had just started to calm down.
He showed her in the Bible the plan of salvation how Jesus loves everybody, and wanted them to have personal peace in their hearts. And for the first time in months Mary looked at another human, then miracle, of miracles she smiled. She asked Sam if he would pray with her, which he did gladly, clearly after that pray it was obvious to anyone looking on that Mary had found personal peace. Sara observing through the window just marveled, she had never seen anything like it in her whole career at Find Inner Peace. For the first time in her life she thought that she might be wrong. Obviously Sam had something that could not be seen, but only felt in the heart. She determined that she was going to have to ask him about it for she now realized she too needed personal peace.


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This article has been read 477 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Trina Courtenay06/12/06
I really hate to do this, please remember, we are all here to help one another grow as writers.

So, this is what I think...your paragraphs could be split up more, quotes need to be placed around dialogue, watch your sentence structure and when someone new speaks it's a new paragraph.

Keep up the good work and may the Lord guide your pen.

Blessings,
Trina
Virginia Gorg06/13/06
Agree with comments re: grammar, punctuation, etc. But I do see a good message in here and I like the perspective of the story-telling.
Julie Michaelson06/14/06
I admire your strength to write about a situation that
our society would view as
extremely depressing. It is
difficult for me to write about circumstances like this
one, even though I have experienced them in life. Please continue to express your thoughts, and imagination on paper! The
rest with come with practice!
God Bless!