The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/02/06
Heartfelt and sad. I think an exchange of dialogue would have been nice - Jadette talling what happened. Watch some words (Jadette looked blanked, should be blank). Overall nicely done with a trueness within.
06/03/06
Powerful idea but we really only see Jadette in her ugliness. For more of a contrast I would have added a flash-back showing how successful she had appeared to be.
06/03/06
It's sad that so many women let themselves get stuck in those kind of traps. Some dialog would help move it along, but a very good start on a very tough topic!
06/04/06
Yes, her friend could introduce her to the One who would give her a Purpose in Life - a great thought for someone who has lost their way; beautifully written except for the "blanked" that should be blank. Very minor...but distracting. Well done.