The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/03/06
Your writing was very subtle here; I had to read it twice before I realized the woman's new purpose. I think that's a strength, though.

You have several run-on sentences with too many clauses separated by commas. The readability of this story will improve if you break those down into smaller sentences.

Thanks for this glimpse into India!
06/05/06
A very nice portrait of a woman's life and how it can change suddenly-for the better. It needs some polish (editing for typos, etc) and the last sentance seems out of place with the rest of the story. But, I enjoyed getting to see the progression of the character as the story progressed.