The Official Writing Challenge
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Yeah, overall pretty good. Far too many exclamation marks.
Jesus often said, "Let the children come to me." Nice story.
Nice idea to link in Jesus' care for children with his power to heal, but I'm not sure it works. The healing stories are so well known that I was constantly comparing your tale with Biblical accounts. I think it would have been better to retell one of the standard stories
Very creative! I thought it was a wonderful piece of Bible-based fiction. Just because it didn't come from an actual Biblical account doesn't mean it was any less interesting....If anything, because it wasn't a "standard" tale, it held my attention more. I wanted to know what happened! Good use of creativity, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this little tale weaved together from the viewpoint of the excited little boy.
Great, original POV, and I really liked the portrayal of Jesus laughing and playing. Very nice writing style.
The only thing you could add would be Jesus' words "Let the children come to Me, for of such is the kingdom of heaven!" (I thought of that when you had Simon try to send Noah away.)
Creative and well written!
You're a creative girl. LOVE IT! Thank yo ufor writing outside the box. I was getting bored with the countless recounts of the famous stories. You reminded me a little of francine rivers with this account. I found this story challenged me to think about all the countless miracles Jesus performed that wer enever recorded. Beautiful, well written and wonderful formating. Great work!
I enjoyed your story. It kept moving along at the perfect pace and the characterization was well done. Good job! :)
Simple story line with good action. Drew me in as a reader and kept my interest. God bless.
Congrats Dara. This was a beautiful piece. Have a great time in Advanced! You'll fit right in.
Congrats, Dara! Wonderful dialogue, and a truly creative slant on the topic. Your promotion is well-deserved!
Well done! Great story :) Congrats on placing!! :)