The Official Writing Challenge
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06/02/06
It is living life at it's best when we seek to do His will. Good Story!
06/03/06
Good story - watch the tense shifts, they threw me a couple of times.
Maybe because I am a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom, I could really relate to Sarah. I often feel the same way, especially, when people question my intelligence to even homeshool. I am often asked, "How will I teach my sons when they get older?" Thanks for reminding me, that I have a life! Nice job.
06/04/06
A sweet story and sad as it may be...true. However, this story shows how important it is to have a Real Purpose, not just a Title. Good job.
06/04/06
Very good story, you really brought us into Sarah's world.

I noticed a spelling boo-boo: sapphire / Safire.

I liked the character of Sarah's husband, too. Good job.
06/04/06
Thanks for reminding me not to look much farther from home for my purpose. Good job; nicely done! :)
06/04/06
The last line is great. The characters are beliveable. Watch your tenses. Try to loose some adverbs. You've got the abilities to write some really sharpened things. Great effort!
06/04/06
Nothing is more captivating than a glimpse into the internal struggle of the mind and soul of one in search of their significance. Good job!
06/05/06
Loved the last line!

Just watch for tense shifts and a few minor redundancies.

I had an experience like this recently, since I am a homeschooling SAHM. I was on tour in Israel with a group of 40... people with doctorates, pastors, priests, a woman aeronautical engineer, professors... They introduced themselves with their credentials... and I 'did nothing'... But I knew I 'had a life' and a purpose, even without special credentials. (and none of those of those people made me feel any less!)

Sorry for the 'novel'... your story blessed me...
06/05/06
Thank you for the nice story and your kind treatment of the way a nursing home can smell, at least on some hallways. Keep up the good work.
06/06/06
Thank you for giving us SAHMs (Stay At Home Moms) a voice.This happens too many times to SAHMs when out in public. Your last paragraph was wonderful!

I would try to make your verb tenses agree throughout your story; present tense may not be the best here.

Your description of Beverly Archer was wonderful. I got the feeling she was a little cattish, especially in her treatment of Sarah. Good job!

06/07/06
This story was magnifecent. My mom is a stay at home mom, and it is what I want to be. You did a wonderful job, on how a stay at home mom my feel. God bless
Great work on producing an excellent story. You gave the gift. I do believe the first half was better than the last. Simply because you described the action more in the beginner, but then resorted more to telling what was happening. Also, watch the tenses. That threw me off a few times. But, you cna tell a really sharp story. You have excellent dialogue skills.And I mean EXCELLENT! You also packed an awesome message. Great work.
06/08/06
Loved it! I have a feeling those women who make her feel like less for being a homemaker secretly wish they were, too :)