The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/27/06
I like the message of this piece. However, although I do wish conversations would go like this, I've never had one that does. In my opinion (and you must weigh this carefully) your speeches are a bit long, and you let your characters preach a bit too much. Keep writing, though, because there's good talent here.
05/30/06
Good potential, but the end seemed a bit redundant. Also, I wasn't sure who fired Ben. This tells a tale of true joy. :)