I was just asking God, this morning,
"Why couldn't we all have just stayed in Heaven,
with You, and been spiritual beings for Eternity?
Wouldn't there have been more joy, for You, and
for the rest of us, that way?
Why, dear Lord, did we have to schleppe down here,
only to make total fools of ourselves, and suffer,
like, totally way too many times......only to return
Home to You, in the end, anyway?
What's the whole point?
Why did You want us to become flesh, in the first
place, when all You ever do is kvetch at us, and all
we ever do is suffer?
(For those of you who say, "Well, I certainly haven't
suffered very much. What's she talking about?",
I only have to say to you, "Give it time, sweetchicks,
you just haven't lived long enough.....I guarantee,
you'll all get there.")
Nu, Lord? (Yiddish translation: "Well? So? Can
you believe this? So, let me in on the story, Lord!")
Lord, I just don't see that many times, in the Bible,
where You say that You're pleased with us. Yes,
I read about where You were happy with Creation,
but, I don't think that humans had been invented yet.
Between You and me, Lord, I think that You should have
just stopped at the dinosaurs.
Dinosaurs were really cute, made a lot of noise, went
nicely with the scenery, and never got You upset.
We, evidently, upset You about every nanosecond.
Take the whole megilla over Adam and Eve;
I never really understood that whole story.
What was the apple doing in the Garden of Eden,
anyway, if it was so bad?
If the Garden was really Paradise, then wouldn't
everything in it have been lovely, and wonderful?
Anyhow, I thought that apples were supposed to be
good for you. Then, why did You start Creation, with
saying to the first folks:
"Whatever you guys do, DON'T EAT THOSE APPLES."
Actually, I've always been surprised that Eve wasn't lured
by a Snickers bar, or Hershey's Kiss.
That sin would have made a lot more sense. Everybody
knows that a woman's real weakness lies in chocolate,
and, well, shopping.
You obviously don't know women, very well, Lord.
You would have made Yourself a whole lot more understandable
to humankind, if You had simply said:
"Whatever you do, Eve, DON'T SPEND YOUR SHEKELS
ON THAT APPLE."
Naturally, the first thing that Eve would have done,
was to ask her husband for his wallet.
I can just imagine the conversation:
"What do you want my wallet for? I thought the Lord
said that you weren't allowed to buy that stuff."
"Oh, come on, Adam! Just one! He won't know. I'll
hide the bag behind that bush - I'll ask that snake
over there, to just sit on it."
"What happened to the last fruit that I bought you?
I haven't even finished paying for that.
Remember what the Lord said? He wasn't very pleased
with you, at all. He told me that you were going to have
to kick your shopping habit, or our children's great-great-
great-great-grandchildren were going to pay for it."
"Oh, Adam! Why do you have to be so boring?
I don't know how many times, I've wished that I was
made with some other guy's rib. You're no fun, at all."
"Okay! Okay! Let's not get started on that, again!
Here's my wallet - how much is that apple, anyway?
How much? I can't believe the price of stuff in
You must understand, Lord, that humans are all five years
old at heart. You tell us not to do something - and, we do
it just out of curiosity. What You should have done, in
the Garden, was say,
"See that big tree over there? Well, it's full of chocolate fruit.
All of the angels eat from it. Heaven is overburdened with it -
there's so much of it. Please! Eat it to your heart's content! Enjoy!"
Then, we could have stayed close to You, forever.
As it is, we have to struggle constantly for a relationship with You.
And, it's not very joyful.
Perhaps, that is why You sent Your Son to us, so long ago.
So, that, when all is said and done - and we join the dinosaurs -
we could feel Your Joy, forever.
I still have a question, though, Lord. What do you really think
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