The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/12/06
Nice, well composed, visual. Watch pronoun confusion.
05/13/06
This was a good way to get accross your message of what perfection is not.
I think this would have been better written from Yvonne's point of view, as then you could have described Kate's clothes and office as she saw them. In a story, try not to state facts, rather let the reader discover them through a character.
This is good. Watch your grammar and be carful not to be too redundant with your words, like: "apart from". It takes away from the smooth flow of your story when you do. Great job.
Read your work backwards or from bottom up. This will help you catch your typo's, punctuation mistakes and any extra words typed by mistake. Also use bold or italicize to quote. It really packs the extra punch. (Just incase you don't know how to when submitting use, at the begining of quote and at the end to italicize and , for bold.
Sorry, don't know what happened there. I'll try again, Italicize and Bold. Hope this helps.

Blessings!
Trina
One more try...oh pm me or better yet I believe you'll find the answer in the FAQ of the site. Sorry about all of that. I just know from experience that I've been left advice without instructions on how to change it.