The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
05/11/06
Powerful until the end - it softened, I think a moving essay like this needs to end up - not necessarily positive but up nonetheless - Fairly well written throughout, very visual.
05/13/06
Yes, you do description well. I agree with Dub on the ending - it needs to be as power packed as the rest of the story. I'd stop at "eternity" and rewrite that paragraph, perhaps changing her heart as her grandmother prays.
Excellent! This piece carries the reader like a river. I loved the jolts of light she sees as Grandma prevails at the Throne. For the best ending punch, I'd consider ending with, "All she knew was he was her hope for eternity." Great work.