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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Hope (05/04/06)

TITLE: Heaven
By Danielle Peck
05/05/06


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Heaven

Sea of glass, streets of gold,
Gates of pearl and treasures untold.
Colors the human eye can't conceive,
Unearthly things that are hard to believe.
Heaven, the dwelling of the Holy Trinity,
Stretching from always into infinity.
Darkness would prevail if not for the Son,
His glory shining, the King has won.
Jesus in fellowship with the saved,
Who walked the narrow path His blood paved.
The hands of the One who created it all
Holding His children, now safe from the fall.
Sin is gone, banished by the blood
That covered us in a loving flood.
Red blood that makes us white as snow
Purified our hearts so to Heaven we could go.
It's amazing to see the streets of gold,
But it's Jesus that we came to behold.
All evidence of sin is long departed,
No more tears or broken hearted.
Jesus came to save us all,
Open your hearts to hear His call.
Listen with a heart that's meek
And Jesus will give you the life that you seek.
Eternally in the presence of our Father above,
Who longs to cover you with His love.


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This article has been read 495 times
Member Comments
Member Date
dub W05/11/06
Writing in rhyming couplets is difficult at best. A stanza break, and work on prosody will go a long way to making your poem work. Thanks for posting.
Ruth Neilson05/11/06
It might help your phrasing of the rhymes if you break them into sections. It tends to become a smoother read and will help the reader feel the pace better.

I did like this one line though…despite it seeming a little cliché, I don’t know of any better way of wording it:

Darkness would prevail if not for the Son,
His glory shining, the King has won.
Jessica Schmit05/13/06
You hit the nail on the head. By lifting our eyes to Jesus, we will discovere the true source of hope and comfort. Great job!