The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/06/06
You've set the scene beautifully and used some great descriptions. The love for her family and her hope for the future was touching, Well done.
Well-written, with a good, strong ending. To give the piece more punch, you might help the reader identify with the characters more deeply. You could do this by adding a taste of what they are leaving behind, and more about what moved them to take the risk, so the reader feels more deeply their courage, vision, whatever.
I liked this. Keep on writing!
05/08/06
Excellent! I loved it beginning to end!
05/08/06
Oh, very sad! Good writing, and some wonderful, strong characters.
Sad, but sweet. America's founders paid a high price to come here. You did a good job painting the picture.
This was very well done and I enjoyed being taken back in time, into their lives. I agree with Sherry that showing the reader what their reasons for leaving are would really add to the story.
Beautiful job. I could feel the mother's pain and her hope of a better life. Thanks.
05/09/06
You have painted a beautiful story. Love the ending paragraph.
05/11/06
I really enjoyed the way you portrayed the gentle relationship between Clara and Thomas and their love for their children. Well written and definitely on the topic. Loved the idea of the shooting star as Anne died. Yeggy
05/27/06
Valora, this couldn't be any better! Your writing brings the reader shoulder to shoulder with your characters. What a gift you have for creating endearing people in real-life settings! Let me know when your book goes on the market. I want a copy! Thank you, too, Minnesota friend, for your lovely comments on my better-or-worse entry. I'm glad our paths have crossed--at least in cyberspace!