The Official Writing Challenge
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05/05/06
This is a lovely piece of writing. One suggestion: work on your verb forms. That will help the reader to distinguish between the past, present and future in the story. For example: Mary had always known that this day would come, but she had still been unprepared for it. How could anyone have prepared for this? This insanity? The vacillating crowd, had followed him with cheers of acclamation one day, and the next had cursed him with the riotous shouts of the damned." It gives us a better sense of Mary looking backward into the past. But you've done a great job. Congratulations.
05/08/06
Very nice, although I agree that the tenses were a bit confusing. Upon the second read, knowing what was being said, it read much easier. This is a good retelling of a familiar story from a mother's standpoint. :)
05/09/06
You are a good storyteller and will make great strides with your writing. Your talent is evident and with more attention to detail and with work on smoother transitions, you've got it made. I truly enjoyed your story and its meaning. :) Keep writing!
05/09/06
I also forgot to mention you've accomplished much in so few words. :)
05/09/06
I agree with the comments above (verbs, can't live with'm can't live without'm). Writing a personified story of Biblical people is a practice we all should do - how soon we forget these are real people with real emotions and feelings. You have done a credible job capturing a glance at Mary. Thanks.
05/09/06
A very nice look at the sacrifice of Jesus through His mother's eyes. Well done!
05/10/06
This is a nice re-telling of a familiar story. I had a difficult time telling when the story was taking place, like before the cross, after the resurrection, etc. But that is probably because of the verb tenses like the others mentioned. Thanks for sharing this!
05/10/06
I also liked the comparison of the changes in Mary's and the Father's relationship to Jesus.
Wow Sharon! To be honest, when I discovered you were new to Faithwriters, I braced myself for reading beginner material. You are definately NOT Intermediate material. Your word choices are beautiful. Your talent is evident. I think you could do well in Advanced. The only thing that let your story down was that you changed tenses frequently throughout the story. But your messege, the plot, the word choices, the topic WOW, WOW, WOW. I'm very impressed. Looking forward to reading more of your work!