The Official Writing Challenge
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05/08/06
A well-told tale. You captured Ben's predicament in the cafe very vividly and I certainly would like to know what would transpire 'tomorrow'.
05/08/06
Very well done and rather realistic. My husband is seven years younger than me, so age isn't always an issue. I like your descriptions - makes a picture rather than just words. Nice!
05/08/06
Okay I am hooked! I love a love story and this is a doozy!
05/08/06
Oh, this is adorable! Ben's a very lovable character; you've written him very well.
Sweet! I liked the lunch crowd, the banter between your main character and the waitress and the end that left us wondering what will happen next. Great job.
Great story Pup, I think this is one of your bests that I've read. Good job!
05/09/06
I love it... you drew me right into the story. I, too, what to know what happens the next day!
I loved this story. Your characters were so believable. Not only does it show love, but it leaves lots of room for HOPE.
05/09/06
Oh, this is perfect! A thoroughly satisfying first chapter on a heavenly happy-ever-after story of which I want to read more. That surprising interjection of the girl being deaf added a hint of mystery that made the story even better. This goes in my "favorites!"
05/09/06
How sweet! Everyone should have a chance at love with a special person. Great story.
05/09/06
Very sweet story, and well told.Would make a nice novel.:0)
05/09/06
Always enjoy a love story, this one has all the right elements! Great entry!!
05/10/06
OK, Pup ... I'm going to pick on you again this week. First, as always your storyline is fine, your characters are good and your pace is alright. But let me give you an example of what I mentioned last week. Here's your para 3:

"The normal gathering laughed at the on-going joke. Each day the young man came to lunch and jokingly told others of his sad lonely life, and how he thought a wife would complete that life. The others just laughed and joked about how sad it would be for the wife."

What is wrong here? You use a derivation of the word Joke 3 times. You use the word others twice. You use the word wife twice and you use the word life twice. To compound the problem, wife and life rhyme.

In short, roughly 20% of the words in that para are repeats. There's nothing gramatically wrong with that. But is it the strongest way to present your story? I'd say no.

I've said it before... you've got the skills, you've got the creativity, just do a little fine tuning and the EC will be your normal stomping ground.
05/11/06
CONGRATULATIONS, Pup! I am so delighted for you---and very impressed with your story, both creatively and technically. You are a Golden Retriever, after all! God bless you, bless you, bless you!
05/11/06
Congrates Pup, I loved every aspect of the story. I can see this being filled out completely into maybe a longer story.
05/11/06
Hurray, Pup! This is a delightful story!!! You set the scene so well with the playful banter - "Cheers" meets "Friends". Even though we only met 2 of the characters by name, it still felt like we were familiar with everyone. The mustard was the icing on the cake (although I don't recommend icing a cake with mustard).
That little blue ribbon looks good on ya Pup!!! Told you this was one of your best yet! Congratulations on the well deserved win. It'll be fun having you up in Advanced! :)
Congratulations! Good on you!
05/13/06
I'm not much good at critiquing, but the romantic in me sure liked the way this word-picture was being stroked.

P.S. I hope you enjoy your storytelling as you experience it in your heart and mind. For me...it's half the fun of writing.
07/08/06
So glad I came and read this. What a sweet love story. Absolutely tender hearted. Loved it!
08/01/06
Hehe! I loved it! Great job!
09/23/10
Aww, this is so cute! Now I want part two! Please Puperoni??