The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/04/06
There are some things in life that I just don’t understand, no matter how old I get. Natural disasters. Children dying. How two people who love each other will let everything slip away – like my daughter and her husband. — Is it possible to make this into a sentence using a colon to make the list?

That is the only part that is really bugging me. Over all, I love the portrait of love coming from the husband to his wife. I would love to see more of this piece overall. Good luck and God bless.
05/05/06
I like the way you took centre stage to express the torment going on between your daughter and her hushand. This makes the reading more graphic, especially the last telephone call at the end, and for the first time the daughter sits up from being slumped in her chair.
Nice writing! Is this fiction or real-life?
Well done. I liked the way you ended it.