The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
04/27/06
Enjoyed this story, but would have loved to have been shown the scene with her parents the next day. Perhaps in a fuller version?
Good story, the end was a bit rushed but that was probably because of the word limit?
04/28/06
Well done, and with a topic that is troubling many youths, and even adults, these day. And with most Pop up as they are most don't even need to look, it comes after the unexpecting. Very well expressed, showing the point in the story without much description. Turning the child around in the end, showing the reader they do have a choice and One that will stand by them, no matter what. Good job...
04/29/06
If you end it a bit sooner--with "...the Lord's help" the ending won't seem so rushed. You don't have to tie up all the loose ends, you can trust your readers to do that, if you've done a good job with the story--and you did a great job with this story! The conflicting voices were wonderfully portrayed.
05/01/06
Great story! I love it.
Very nice story. I agree with Jan about the ending, but you did a great job.
05/01/06
Great job! I agree that the ending was too tidy but you did a fabulous job portraying the tug-of-war between good and evil. Good writing.
05/01/06
Touching, heartfelt story. Good job!
Great and timely story. I think for "inner strength" I would have liked to see less of the struggle to decide to quit and more of the walking out of the decision. Still, this is a very strong entry. Great writing.
05/03/06
Nice story, I really enjoyed it. ^_^
05/03/06
I agree with Jan! You did such a good job on this story you didn't need the last paragraph! Goooood job! Great conflicts! This one should be submitted somewhere.
05/03/06
Way to tackle a very difficult topic. Very good! My only suggestion is that anytime you split an article into two halves you are breaking the rythm and flow of the piece. All of the points that you made in the first half could have been made in different ways during the second half. Stated another way, you could have just written the second half and woven the first half in as backstory. (or vice-versa, actually!) Just a suggestion, since you obviously have the skills to write at the highest levels.