The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
You have some really good potential in this story. You write with emotions and the feeling is there. You might want to first double space it up between paragraphs so it reads easier. Then look over some of your words as there are some errors in the sentences to clean up. I also think it might be good to add abit more to it. Otherwise, I can see you write well!
You did a very good job of capturing the lamb's voice, and letting your reader draw the parallels. The word "shepherd" was very important here, and the misspelling distracted a bit from an otherwise strong piece. I liked this a lot.
ditto on the above comments. But what immediately came to mind as I read this piece was a picture that often appeared in children's Bibles a way back when, of Jesus, the Shepherd leaning down over a precipice to rescue a lamb in trouble. Wonderful reminder.