The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
04/13/06
Thank you for sharing this with us! I liked your characters and the dialog flowed smoothly. The only thing I would wonder about is that Susanna doesn't even have an inclination to go to the club. I think as Christians it's a given that we will have temptations to overcome, this seemed too easy for me. There would always be that "it would only be this time." thing, that wish to be cool just once. That would make her more real to me and also add a little more conflict.
Great story!
04/13/06
I think Susanna has a few things to learn about the way to win over non-Christian friends; she was a bit too pious for me. Good character development here, and realistic dialog. Thanks for this thought-provoking story.
04/13/06
Interesting story, really gripping. I wonder if the last paragraph could have been expanded a bit?
I like how Susanna stuck to her guns. However, I would tend to think that teenagers are more apt to be a little more rebellious and experimental...though not all are. I do like the contrast you had between the girls though.
04/15/06
Do writers want the truth or a pat on the back? For myself, I want the truth...no matter how unflattering. So, I find this story very unrealistic. Unless the writer wants to paint Susanna as a female-type nerd or geek...which I don't believe he or she does, then the conversation must be more like LIFE REALLY IS. Christians don't have to be prudes; but the point of the story was well taken. Good job.
I enjoyed the story. I like how Susanna stuck to her guns, but I agree with the others that her characacter might be a litle different. Good job.
04/19/06
This reads like a prelude to one who will be called to full time commitment as a Nun in the future. But I think even one who desires to live this profession would go to the mall with her sister. Or maybe express why she wouldn't - like maybe her sister would only go to the stores of wild clothes or something. Or maybe show a compromise between the two so they could do something together.

You've captured her love and commitment to God very well - maybe you can work in a way for her to reach out to her sister so she doesn't feel cut-off.

Good writing!